Profiles From the Edge: Requiem for a Date.

By Erin Bush

So – for those of you who follow my blog you may recall that I gave up online dating for Lent.  Well, almost all of Lent, anyway.  And after tuning back into OKCupid after my hiatus, I’ve only got one thing to say: Rest in Peace OkCupid Profile – for good this time.

Giving up OkCupid for Lent was far easier than giving up beer for a month and far more rewarding. Not that my schedule the last couple of months could truly accommodate an extra date here and there, but I definitely did have a lot more time to focus on things like laundry, spring cleaning, catching up on the latest shows and cooking — Yes! To all you single men out there, I can whip up a few tasty dishes! But I digress.

After Lent, when I logged back into the dating site.  I received quite the warm welcome back with eight new messages (up one since I cheated), and then an additional four messages in two hours when I removed my “out of office” notification and replaced it with an “I’m baaaacckk and will address your messages in the order they are received” disclaimer.

Though it was a warm welcome, I don’t think I’ve ever been so underwhelmed. Not only did I not care for any of the messages, or the senders for that matter, I also had little desire to even look at the potential fresh meat that could have appeared in the previous forty days.

So, after two and a half years, seventy or so first dates, two sabbaticals, and countless restaurants, activities, coffees [dutch] and awkward moments — not to mention zero boyfriends to show for it — I think it is time to finally lay to rest a dear platform that has been the fodder of many a blog entry and entertaining stories to tell my friends over drinks as I roll my eyes and pray that the most recent disaster never calls me.

So I guess I will be trying my hand at getting picked up in bars, like they used to do in the olden days of 2005.  But, to wrap it up here are a few of the messages that I received while I was away:

• Hey there. So, where exactly does one go to become a proficient swimmer when they are above the age of 12? That’s probably the last time I did a full lap.
• With your face in the saltwater how could you tell the difference between a harbor seal, and a sea lion?
• There’s gotta be a great story around your 4th of july swim fest. bring it on sister
• Hello there, my name is S. I just wanted to introduce myself. I read your profile and you seem like a nice person. I am always looking for new friends and you seem like a cool person to get to know. I was just writing you to say hello. I am outgoing and friendly, and would like to get to know you a little. If you are a little curious tell me the funniest thing you did today. Anyways hope to hear back.
• I realize that I may not hear from you till Easter with giving up this medium for lent and all but figure Id give it a go. Looks like you are a water baby no matter the form. be it wet for wakeboarding and swimming to frozen for hitting the mountains. Very much like me. That said if you have an interest, perhaps grabbing a beverage one of these days and if there is that common interest perhaps hitting up the slopes or a body of water once the weather is a bit more conducive. -N
• Nekid in the bay? Are you crazy? haha Actually that does sound fun but good lord how do you function in water that cold? I bow to your greatness haha
• So does your love of the outdoors extend to camping in remote locations? Do you hunt or fish? And finally, what color are your eyes? haha Had to throw that last one in there
• I see your disclaimer but I also see that you signed on yesterday so I’m messaging anyway. Is 59 deg the coldest you ever did? I swam in an iceberg lake at Glacier nat’l park last fall. Wasn’t naked but it was still tough. And do you really like moguls as a snowboarder? I ski and love them but most of my boarder friends disdain the bumps. And woot for the current snow forecast — *I wrote the disclaimer the day before, so, duh.