Profiles from the Edge: Exhausted

By Erin Bush

Goddam It I’m Exhausted.

I’m reminded of the song from Blazing Saddles when Madeline Khan is doing her stage show singing “I’m Tired.” A hilarious take on how tired she is from “playing the game” and always getting tossed aside by men after they have their fill of her.

I’m tired

Sick and tired of love
I’ve had my fill of love
From below and above
Tired, tired of being admired
Tired of love uninspired
Let’s face it I’m tired

While we can omit the “from below and above” lyric, because my lack of second dates also means a lack of love-making, it doesn’t mean the rest doesn’t apply.

A friend and I were talking on this very subject the other day after a recent “dismissal” left my ego a little bruised and weary. She’s also found herself in a similar predicament where after one or two dates [she gets two dates, I’m not bitter], nothing else happens and it’s not through lack of trying or enthusiasm. Regardless of any “it will come when the time is right,” “just wait,” “you’re awesome, they’re idiots,” you really start to do a little introspection into your appearance and personality because when it comes down to it, I am the common denominator. Seriously, I am nearing one hundred first dates. It’s not funny anymore – well, it’s a little funny. Either way, it just means I end up increasing my wine intake and exercise.

My friend and I, we’re just exhausted from consistently putting out any level of effort for little result. So we’re going to the extreme. No effort. Less is more, right? If you ask for my number and I give it to you, then yes, I will date you, I do want to talk to you. However, I am not lifting a finger to do anything except answer your call and hail a cab to the pub you picked. I don’t want to pick the place, tell me when and where, and if I need to be clued in on attire then please share that information as well.

I know from my current attitude regarding dating and the preceding paragraphs, it seems like I would just be the absolute best date on the planet. However, I will without doubt show up looking fresh and gorgeous with my best smile on. I promise to bring my winning conversation and insatiable wit.

I’m ready for a nap just discussing this. My sneakers and a bottle of wine will be waiting for me when I get home.